Rin, For Short
by DiLLiRgA
Summary: For those of you who just can't get enough of Disney parodies...or any parody for that matter. RinxSesshoumaru AU.
1. Not Just Another Pretty Face

A/N: I want you all to know that I practically dared myself into this. It's just too good not to parody. This is a Cinderella story, with the inevitable Dillirga twists. I know it's been done before so bear with me. It will be short- probably about 3 chapters. There is some language involved and there may be other jibes so please don't get offended. Magic spells, usurpers, mistaken identities, transvestites- what more could you possibly want out of a fairy tale?

Diss-claimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I also don't own Disney- for which I am eternally grateful.

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**Rin, For Short**

**Chapter 1 **

Once upon a time, in a land that no one can easily guess the location of, where maidens abound and Japanese people reside in European settings because the author has deemed it thus, there lived a girl. One of many. Anyway, pressing on, this girl, a lovely jet-black-haired youth of 19 years, had been orphaned at the age of 9. Her mother had died at childbirth, leaving Rinderella, Rin for short (who'd blame her with a name like Rinderella), in the care of her father, a kind and caring man. Although Rin's father brought the girl up with every comfort and luxury that he (and his wallet) could provide, he felt that a mother's presence was necessary for the good upbringing of what was to become a young lady of class and elegance. As you can see, the man was delusional. Kind, yet delusional.

It so happened, at some undetermined point in the future, that Rinderella's father fell in love with a beautiful woman of high class and family. The two were married almost instantly, bringing about the beginning of a family of five; that is, Rinderella, her unnamed father, his new wife, Naraku, and her two daughters: Kagura and Kanna. One big happy family- almost as if the darned thing were planned that way.

"Father," Rin had said innocently, "doesn't Naraku mean 'Hell'?"

Her father had laughed cheerfully, if not densely, and answered, "Why, I do believe you're right darling!"

All seemed well in the household, if not a little odd, however life soon settled into routine, as one would expect of a new family coming into its own. The happiness, however, came to a halt when one sad and otherwise ominous day, Rinderella's father went on a hunting trip and never made it back. Bandits, the family had been told. The newcomers of the family could barely mourn for it had been little over a month when they had come together; they hardly knew the man. But not Rinderella. She cried rivers.

The days carried on, busy and lonely but soon Naraku's true nature began to unfold. Slowly but surely, the three began to turn Rin into their servant, using means of verbal and physical violence to get her to do their bidding. Rin had rebelled but, at 9, she was still so weak and, no matter how you looked at it (not that there are many ways to look at it) the situation was always three against one. She had even tried to run away once but, after being chased through the forest by wolves and barely escaping with her life, she decided that that was a _really _dumb idea and took her precious behind back to the house. She also had the strangest feeling of deja-vu but let us not trouble ourselves with that.

And so, my ravenous readers, unfolds our story, in the basement of a dojo/house, where our little Rin sits on tatami and pleasantly plots revenge. Just what exactly _is_ a dojo/house? How can Rin go against the laws of virtue, wholesome disneyness and plot revenge? Do the laws of physics apply in this story? All shall reveal itself in due course.

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Rin rubbed her tired eyes with the palms of her hands and put her blueprints aside. She had been working furiously all night, trying to come up with plots for murder and other such forms of destruction without getting caught. It seemed almost bloody impossible because she had to bump all _three_ of those assholes and having done that, she would, inevitably, be the last one standing. She didn't even have anyone else that she could pin it on. She had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and now the sun was shining all over the place but doing little to lighten Rin's plans for domination.

'Wow,' she thought, 'I'm turning into one cold-hearted bitch. Hey, it's not easy _not_ to be embittered after ten years of slavery. TEN! Time sure does fly when you're making plans to divide and conquer.'

Suddenly, a voice came booming through the dojo/house. The intercom was working brilliantly.

"RIIIIIIIIIIN! RIN, YOU FOOL! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST? AND BRING MY FEATHERS TO ME AT ONCE." That would be Kagura, for those of us who follow from a few paces behind.

"Now dear," a cool and strangely masculine voice dictated, "do remember that a lady does not raise her voice. So the next time you wish to make a demand of Rinderella, DON'T BLOODY SHOUT IT INTO MY EAR!"

Naraku poked around her right ear, trying to get some feeling back, while Kanna just sort of...gloomily floated around…in the withering background. One would think she was the most harmless of the bunch but she had this habit of getting people to bend to her will...turning them into zombies and whatnot. And if Rin had to polish that damn mirror or her's one more time... She had already told Kanna where she could go stick it. Sadly, it was at a very ill-timed moment where Naraku had overheard and took it upon herself to show Rin just _what_ doing _that_ to a mirror would feel like. Needless to day, Rin had many aches for many days and Kanna had to acquire a new mirror.

Speaking of mirrors, Kanna eerily peered into hers. "There is a presence approaching."

All went silent. Not that any had been speaking just then, but you get the idea.

"It speaks..." Kagura said, somewhat surprised. Sometimes her sister could go for weeks without saying a word. Not that Kagura really gave a rat's ass one way or another but she couldn't help but notice that her family was really just..._sketchy_.

"Kagura, what have I told you about putting your sister down? She has been advancing marvelously. Goodness knows we're paying the therapist enough. Kanna dear, who is approaching?"

"..."

"I'd get my money back if I were you, mother."

Naraku ignored them. One of these days, she was really going to have Rin go at them, then she'd bump Rin off herself and be done with it. Memories of murder, bloodshed and spiders briefly crept into her mind and she began to "kukukukuku..."

'_Those were the days...' _Naraku sighed wistfully.

The doorbell rang. At once, Kagura was on a huge feather, probably going to float close to the ceiling so that she could spy on whoever it was. Kanna disappeared back into the unknown abyss from whence she came and Naraku just...

"KAGURA, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT FLYING IN THE HOUSE! KANNA, GET BACK HERE AT ONCE! YOUR DARK REFLECTIONS LESSON IS NOT OVER! AND RINDERELLA, GET THE DAMN DOOR! MOVE, PEOPLE!"

Rin came upstairs, grumbling, cursing and looking _very_ miserable indeed. Her hair was wild and tangled and she was covered with feathers of every color. She had been looking for Kagura's feathers.

As she made her way to the front door, she shouted well enough to be heard: "Damn the feathers, damn Kagura, damn Kanna though she hasn't done anything yet and damn you! AND DAMN WHOEVER YOU ARE AT THE DOOR! Miserable $&…(muttering incoherent obscenities)."

Well...so much for feminine modesty.

Rin's hand jerked the door open in a _wooooosh_ to reveal a very flustered official mail/decree deliverer person. The fire not having left her eyes, she looked the guy up and down and sneered "What the Hell do you want!" The poor man simply handed her the sealed letter and ran off.

Rin snorted and closed the door. She didn't know what it was and wasn't given the opportunity to care when something _swooshed_ out of the sky and grabbed the envelope from her hand.

"What the-" was all she could get out as Kagura tore the letter open and began to read, while Kanna appeared out of nowhere and Naraku descended the stairs elegantly.

"Mother look- it's from the Inu no Taisho!"

"Well girl, do not stall! What does it say?"

Kagura devoured the letter with her eyes. "There's going to be a ball tonight in the Prince's honor!" Oh happy day.

"Which Prince?" Kagura asked urgently. The Inu no Taisho had two sons, of which the intelligence levels varied.

"Oh what does it matter, mother?"

"It matters greatly," Kanna semi-whispered, much to everyone's surprise. Rin frowned and slowly inched away from the little creep.

"I have foreseen this. The ball is simply a device in which the Inu no Taisho is hoping to arrange a marriage for one of his sons. He is inviting all the eligible maidens in the kingdom with the hope that his son will find a suitable match so that the necessary heirs will be produced. I have been unable to determine which son will be the potential groom however I have heard whispers that Prince Inuyasha has already been affianced, thus leading to the conclusion that the Prince in question is the Lord Sesshoumaru."

"Wow," Rin said, not sure if she had ever heard Kanna speak so much in their entire 10-year acquaintance put together, "she's good."

"Shut up you imbecile," Naraku cut her off, "Kanna dear," Naraku's eyebrow twitched, "if you had foreseen this, why did you make no mention of it?"

"..."

A vein popped on Naraku's forehead but she just continued, "Never mind. Kagura, what does the letter say? Kagura? Daughter!"

Kagura visibly snapped out of a reverie that had contained some passing thoughts about just what it would be like to bump Kanna off for good. Kagura was sure that her sister was the source of her family's _sketchiness_. Yes, that's right. The voices have spoken. _Kanna's_ the problem.

"Oh, yes, the letter. Yes it, uh, pretty much says what Kanna said. The ball's for Prince Sesshoumaru, supposedly a welcome since he's been away for so long. It says that every maiden is _ordered_ to attend. The ball's tonight…wait, that can't be ri- OH MY GOOD! IT IS! I only have five hours to get ready! Rin, prepare my finest kimono at once!"

Rin blanched. _Sewing_. Preparing meant mending and sewing and other such ailments for her poor finger since Rin couldn't sew to save her life. "Prepare it your damn self! Hold on…did you just say that _every maiden is ordered to attend_?"

"Why you little- "

"Rin, do as Kagura says at once, before I chain you to a tree and turn you into some unlucky wolf's next meal," Naraku commanded calmly.

"But- "

"SILENCE! I have given you an order. If you complete your chores in time we shall discuss you attending the ball with us. Well…not _with us _with us. You can...linger in a dark alleyway or something. Off you go!"

"Bastard….($&#..." Rin muttered as she sulked off to 'accidentally' burn Kagura's kimono, or at least 'accidentally' sew some toilet paper onto it. Despite her anger, though, she was hurt. She wanted to go to the ball too. "I have rights, dammit! It's in the bloody letter and I could take you to court for this! But who'd listen..." She sighed. The least she could do, as she decided, was make it _seem_ like she had done some chores so that _maybe_ the old bat would consider letting her go.

Meanwhile, Naraku was having a little heart-to-heart with her daughters.

"DO NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR ANYTHING, YOU LITTLE INGRATES! This is your moment to shine and ensnare the Prince and if you let it slip through your fingers so help me I'll-"

"Mother is this going to last much longer, I do have to get ready," Kagura said, fanning herself.

Naraku reminded herself to have Rin sharpen her knives and continued, "Kanna, if you can pull off winning the Prince's affections I shall give you all the mirrors you can dream of..." at this, Kanna somehow brightened, as Kagura nervously inched away. "And Kagura, if _you_ are the winner, well...Mother is going to be _very_ pleased."

More silence...

"That's it? That's all I get- a lousy _mother's going to be pleased?" _

"You'll be Princess, you half-wit, and the future Queen. What more could you possibly want!"

"Oh." Kagura smirked. "I'd forgotten about that."

Naraku pinched the bridge of her nose and then began to massage her temples.

_You know what,_ she thought, _screw the ball and screw the Prince. Where the Hell are my knives?_

_

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A/N: I hope it was enjoyable! Reviews are always cherished.


	2. On The Highway to Hell

A/N: Allow me to present the second installment of **_Rin, For Short._** I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will be the last but- who knows! We may all be in for a surprise. Enjoy!

Diss-claimer: I don't own anything worth mentioning in this story. Though, in retrospect, I'm probably better off for it.

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**Chapter 2: On the Highway to Hell**

"No."

"Actually, son, I wasn't _questioning_ your attendance, I was _informing_ you of it."

"No."

"Your objection is noted and dismissed. Now, do see if your brother has been informed about the ball aswell and, if not, _make_ him informed and get ready."

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and resisted the urge to bitch-smack his father. This had really been a _sucky_ homecoming. If he'd known he was going to get bullied into matrimony he would have never bothered to return. He needed to vent. He needed to _kill_ something.

_Where is that idiot Jaken?...Damn marriage, damn love and damn all those simpering women waiting to get their hands on my-_

"Oh and Sesshoumaru, just one more thing, son."

"What is it, Father?"

"Do not try to escape. I have this place as tight as a flea's ass and there is no chance of you getting far without murdering anyone- and I won't have you shedding blood in my kingdom. It's high time you settled down. I would like to see some grandchildren before my time is up."

"Father, you are almost immortal. Just what exactly is your rush?"

"Oh..er..yes, that. Well..." And so his father muttered some nonsense.

_There is something else to this, _Sesshoumaru thought, _The old man has a bet going on with my imbecile half-brother…Yes, it all begins to take shape now. I'll be damned if I let them use this Sesshoumaru as their toy._ "Never mind. I wouldn't dream of running away from my duty." _Unlike some people._

"Hmmm, touché. Off with you. I shall see you at the ball."

Sesshoumaru bowed and walked away. The Inu no Taisho sat smugly on his throne. This was one bet Inuyasha was going to lose. Everything seemed to be going his way. In fact, he counted…10…9…8…

The smell of scorching porcelain.

7…6…5...

Maids and servants running for their lives, screams of bloody murder.

4…3…2...

CRASH! There goes another one of my chandeliers.

1… Poor Jaken…

"JAKEN!"

_I say,_ the Taisho thought, _the boy is becoming damned predictable._

A few hours later, Sesshoumaru was still a tad…_unhappy_. But maybe 'unhappy' is too nice a word. _Pissed. _Yes, that's it. He was downright _pissed_. An encounter with Inuyasha had not done much to appease his nerves, in fact, it managed to aggravate him even further, as it often had a habit of doing. Come now, who's surprised?

Inuyasha had just been in the process of busily explaining to his fiancé, Lady Kagome, just _why_ an education in this day and age was really unnecessary for a woman. In return, Lady Kagome had kindly offered to give her fiancé a very up-close-and-personal geography lesson, helping the Prince get formally reacquainted with the earth.

Inuyasha was still busy getting reacquainted when Sesshoumaru stormed through the courtyard.

"OSUWARI times infinity, you patriarchal baka!"

"What tha- OOOOMPH!

MAKE _OOOMPH_

IT _SPLAAAT_

STOP _SMAAASH_

PLEASE! _WHAAAM"_

"Oh, hello Sesshoumaru!" Kagome chirped brightly, her smile never faltering. This caught Sesshoumaru a bit off guard.

_So heartless, so cruel,_ he thought, _I like that in a woman. She is a better addition to this family than Inuyasha could ever be._

"When your worthless fiancé is finished making craters in my soon-to-be courtyard, inform him that there will be a ball tonight. Were you aware of this?"

"Ah yes, the ball!" Kagome smiled, running a few fingers through her air, still ignoring the cries of agony lingering through the foliage. "We were just informed. We'll certainly be ready in time- I'll have Inuyasha patched up and ready for action faster than you can say OSUWARI!"

_Aaaaaaaaaaghhh... _came the moans. So cruel, so young...

_Sketchy_ was the only word that Sesshoumaru could use to describe his future sister-in-law. No one really knew where the Hell she was from and why, with all the fine kimonos in the land, she still chose to wear a raggedy 'skool yuneeform' and, after some time, no one particularly cared. Sesshoumaru took a few seconds to wonder just what it would be like to live in Kagome's world. He wondered whether or not he could actually get away with bumping his family off over there. No one would have to know. Such were the temptaions...

Sesshoumaru acknowledged her with a slight nod and walked off to...do something...somewhere, as Kagome beamed merrily at the excitement of tonight's ball and Inuyasha crawled to a dark corner of the Earth where he could cry for his future in peace.

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"A BARRIER! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OOOOH, THAT'S SO CHEAP!" Rin yelled, infuriated at being trapped within the premises, banging her head into an invisible force field whenever she tried to run out.

"Now dear, stop doing that or you'll give yourself a concussion. Then we'd actually have to _hire_ the help instead of having such diligent forced labor, as we do now," Naraku said charmingly as she, Kagura and Kanna sat perched atop an elegant black feather. It was black to match the evening-wear, of course. Who needs a palanquin when you can fly?

Kagura was wearing a lovely red and black kimono which, Rin had to admit, was one of her best pieces of work. It set out Kagura's beady little red eyes. As for Kanna...sigh... almost everything was wasted on that girl. Except for mirrors. Rin had heard Naraku telling Kanna all sorts of strange stories about the castle being adorned with the biggest mirrors in the world, finally getting the girl to crack a small smile and blush. _Mirrors, my ass,_ Rin thought. Wasn't Kanna in for a surprise.

"Later, loser!" Kagura called out before flying off. And before Rin could retaliate, Kagura flipped her the bird…yes, the middle one, the only bird that is worth mentioning, and they were gone.

Rin's frown slowly melted into a malicious smile as she watched the feather fade into the night and leaned back against a tree in the yard. _Gee,_ she thought,_ I hope I didn't leave –too- many stray needles on that kimono. A funny business, this sewing is. _

_Now, how to get out of here...? _

Two solid hours of banging, scratching, singe-ing and singing later, Rin admitted defeat, certain that the jaws of life couldn't pry the damn barrier open. Having worn herself out thus, she did the only thing that a sensible teenage girl would do in that type of situation.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- "

"Be silent you impudent wench!"

Funny, that voice sounded _really _ familiar. And annoying.

"Who's there! Show yourself and please let me out while you're at it!"

"Shut up, girl. I'll get to everything in my own sweet time." Suddenly, with haphazard sparks gravitating towards an ominous center, a small form began to materialize. A small _green_ form with..._yellow_ eyes.

"And you are...?" Rin asked suspiciously. Whatever she was looking at, she didn't like it and it was no secret that _it_ didn't like her back.

"_I, _you wench, am your Fairy God- Imp. My name is Jaken and that's _Lord Jaken_ to the likes of you."

"Oh really," Rin retorted, unconvinced, "then why the Hell are you all bruised and beaten up? Get in a gang fight or somethin'?"

"Hardly. I _do_ have a day job you know. I can't go about imping aimlessly all day, not that that's any of your business. Let's get down to work you filthy maggot."

"Huh? In case you haven't noticed, I'm trapped here."

"Aha! And that's where you're mistaken! There's nothing that a little magic can't fix." Just like that Jaken pulled his magic staff out of the air. NO, the one with the two heads. NOOOO, ew…pervs, sod off... We are talking about the Staff of Heads. Cringe.

"And I half expected it to be a wand," Rin said with appreciation.

"Never. What do you take me for.. So, you want to go to the ball, yes? We'd best hurry, I hear that a fight between the princes is brewing and the Lady Kikyo has also shown up. I think Lady Kagome pinned her to the tapestry with her arrows. We wouldn't want to miss all the action."

"We wouldn't?"

"No. Besides, I have damage control duty tonight."

"Right," said Rin, only half understanding. "Wait, if you don't like me, why are you helping me out anyway? What's in it for you?"

Jaken sighed. He had been warned that this was not going to be easy.

"Wench, I have two words for you: community service."

Rin's eyes opened in an understanding 'oooh.'

"Now, I will be able to provide you with proper attire, transportation, and several other tidbits however, I will need several things in return."

_Here we go,_ Rin thought, _I knew a freebie was too much to hope for._

Jaken counted off. "I shall need: two proofs of identification- one being government issued- a passport and library card will do, a fingerprint, your signature at the bottom of the page indicating that you are indeed the person receiving the help of your designated Fairy God-Imp (it's a regional thing), and your promise that you will leave the ball at the stroke of midnight."

Rin paused as she was looking through her wallet for the correct forms of identification. Homeland security had gotten really tight lately...

"Why midnight?"

"Because…" Jaken fumbled.

"Because...?"

"Because, you wench, that's when all the good programming on Adult Swim comes on and I'll be damned if I miss it because I have to baby-sit the likes of you! Happy now?"

"Alright alright! Sheesh...forget I asked." _Irritable little thing, isn't he._

"Where was I? Ah, yes. You will turn into your normal filthy self at midnight so you had better heed my warning. Now, may I present, your transportation: AH! UN!"

To Rin's surprise a large, two-headed dragon-beast came tromping along happily. It eyed her with enthusiasm- a little too much enthusiasm, which kept Rin hoping that it hadn't just secured its next meal. Instead, the creature(s) came up to her and licked her face. _Sketchy, _Rin thought, _but cute nevertheless._

"Now the kimono!" Jaken took a step backwards, tapped the bottom of his staff twice on the ground and Rin's raggedy orange and beige work-kimono slowly transformed itself into a beautiful black and silver one, complete with flying crane threadwork (for all you kimono buffs), matching silver obi and...what's this? _Glass _sandals...?

"Wow," Rin said, not a little taken aback, "this is hot... I love it! You've really got an eye for fashion!" _Though you'd never think it,_ she added in her mind. Glass sandals- a real step up from tatami.

"I do, don't I?" Jaken stated, marveling at himself, completely impressed with his work and ability to, once again, turn an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan. But that is another fairytale, for another time.

"Well, be on your way now, before it gets too late. You have everything you need, correct?"

"Kimono, check. Transportation, check. Midnight curfew, check. I think I'm ready for liftoff!" Rin said happily as she elegantly glided to a sitting position on top of Ah-Un.

Ah-Un began trotting off as Rin turned back to wave at Jaken.

Suddenly, _OOOOMPHH!_ Rin came crashing down as Ah-Un continued on his way. She looked up from the ground and cursed.

"Damn it all to Hell!" She smiled weakly at Jaken who was still gawking at his masterpiece, ruined. "Ehehee..oops, I forgot. Could you ah...maybe undo this barrier that my stepmother put around the house? Yeah...Thanks..."

Rin, despite the few scratches, bruises and burn marks that she had intercepted from Jaken's staff, was on her way to the ball, a mere hour and 23 minutes later.

At the palace steps, Rin stared in awe (as did the guards who were staring at _her)_ at the sheer grandeur of the place. It was so rich it was almost _disgusting. _The flight of stairs was long...really, really, long. _One step at a time,_ she told herself and slowly started to ascend. 500 huffs and puffs later, that last step seemed so close. In a haste that had been unheard of in the castle ever since Prince Inuyasha's ex-fiancé Lady Kikyo had decided to resurrect herself, Rin scrambled for the end of her nightmare. As such, she effectively managed to tangle her feet up in the bottom of her kimono, gracelessly thumping and sprawling at the top.

"Mother fucker…" Rin grumbled, dusting herself off.

So much for an elegant grand entrance.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! As always, reviews are love, people, reviews are love. 


	3. The Prince, The Spell, The Girl and

A/N: Ok, I lied. It's going to be a tad longer than 3 chapters. Oh happy day. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. There have been some interesting notes that I will take into consideration once I go back to edit the story. Thanks again, guys! Keep up the good work, lol.

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**Chapter 3: The Prince, The Spell, The Girl and Her Sandal**

Despite the simple fact that this ball had been destined for disaster from the beginning, Sesshoumaru found that his only fault always lay in underestimating the sheer _extent _of the disaster that his family could bring about, in one swift blow.

It had all started out chipper enough...music, swooning fangirls, this that and the other. Then _she_ had to show up. The Lady Kikyo had blazed through the entrance and as soon as Kagome saw her…well, let's just say that arrows were flying, purifications nearly killed half the party and Inuyasha would never make it out of the 'osuwari' chasm he helped create. Not willingly, of course.

Sesshoumaru had to admit, though, that this was much more entertaining than just standing around looking deadly...yet regal.

"He will come to Hell with me. You are merely an obstacle to be removed." Kikyo threatened, casting a gloom withinn her immediate radius.

_Yes, do take him with you,_ Sesshoumaru thought, _the sooner the better._

"Get near him and so help me I'll have you pinned to the tapestry as a permanent part of the collection!"

Kagome had her bow poised and, sure enough, she made good on her word. Of course, it's all fun and games until the fangirls take the ensuing anarchy as a priceless opportunity to make their move.

Sesshoumaru saw them; swarms of maidens/princesses/confused men/old women on each side, getting ready for the kill. Of course, some of them would have jumped the Taisho had it not been for the Lady Izayoi, Sesshoumaru's stepmother. See, she was a no-nonsense kinda bitch.

"Oh my," said the Taisho as the waves of hormonal energy nearly knocked him out. Maybe the ball and the bet hadn't been such hot ideas. In fact, the Taisho was sure that Inuyasha was thinking something along those same lines, as he barely noticed his son, out of the corner of his eye, begging Kikyo to please go away as he cringed behind Kagome.

The wonders that a few hundred osuwaris could work.

Eyeing the crowd, Sesshoumaru simply smirked and did that sexy three-finger-crack movement as he prepared his Dokkasou attack.

The Taisho blanched and, infuriated, yelled, "Are you out of your mind!" He paused, looking at the hordes and the venomous puddles of encroaching drool. "Take the Tetsusaiga. No mere Dokkasou can handle this."

But it was too late. The gangs made a jump for it.

* * *

Rin was officially lost. The place was so large that, curiosity having got the better of her, she had begun to aimlessly wander around. She had found herself in a dark room...just kinda stalking around. Suddenly, she yelped, terrified at the little white creature staring at her in the corner. 

"What the Hell, Kanna! You tryin'a give me a heart attack?" Oh. Maybe revealing herself just then wasn't the smartest of moves. Sigh...

"How did you escape mother's barrier?" Kanna asked, charmingly emotionless as always.

"Ehehehe..." Rin laughed nervously as she began to retreat. Being alone in a dark room with Kanna was never a good thing. Especially since she felt like this had happened before but her memory seemed to have lapsed at some point. _Shit,_ she thought. "I found a...a hole...in it? Yea...didn't think you'd buy that."

"……"

"So...ah...are Kagura and the mothership anywhere nearby?"

"Kagura is attempting to dissipate a series of mysterious flames that are blocking her access to the Prince. Mother has gotten into the middle of a love triangle, using it as a distraction so that she may burgle a certain Shikon no Tama. She may be arrested before the night is through."

With that, Kanna just sort of...vanished...probably off to look for those mirrors that Naraku had told her about. _Wow,_ Rin thought, _so the hellcat's about to get locked up and Kagura's playing firefighter. Good. That ought to keep them off my ass for a while._

Screams in the background got her attention. What the Hell was all the hullaballoo about?

"His Sexy-ness went that way!" "KYAAAAAA!" "After him!" "I want your pups!" "Are you really a man?" "KYAAAA!"

This was getting really interesting. _I suppose it's time to put in an appearance, _Rin thought,_ Things seem to be heating up. If I follow the screams, there should be a way outta here._

Rin steadily made her way out of the room, the screeching getting ever closer. Barely out the door, she looked slightly to her left just in time to see Jaken, her supposed Fairy-God Imp, using his staff to put up random firewalls in a desperate attempt to fight off rabid hordes of screeching women. Sure enough, Kagura was floating about, using her wind blades to try to put the fires out. Apparently, no one warned her that fanning a flame can actually _feed_ the damn thing and make it stronger.

"Jaken-sama!" Rin yelled, "what's all the fuss about? Did someone spike the drinks?" It was hard to believe that all this mayhem could be caused by _one_ lousy prince.

"Run for it, you fool! I can't hold them off much longer- you'll be trampled!" _And there go my community hours. I'll never be done, _Jaken simpered.

As random people of random genders began to slowly break through the fire (damn those miko-fangirls) and the smell of...toxic flowers... and other such acidic substances became stronger, Rin started to make a run for it, however difficult it was to bust a groove in that kimono and those sandals.

_Wow,_ she thought, _he wasn't kidding about damage control. Damn you, glass! Where the Hell are my sports sandals when I need 'em._

As she ran, Rin suddenly realized that there was someone catching up with her. Something _really_ fast. Not good. She took a moment to see just what it was and damn: that was one mighty good-looking woman coming her way! Rin didn't even realize that she was slowing down, just to admire the pretty-ness that was about to get horde-mongered.

"Out of my way, fo-!"

_OOOOMPH!_

_KYAAAAA!_

Doooown they went, in a flurry of black and white, Sesshoumaru slamming straight into Rin, as they made a spectacular 9.8 dive, all the way down the 500-something flights of stairs.

Ground equals happiness.

"Owie.." Rin groaned as she made an effort to get off the lump she had successfully pummeled. The effort was in vain as she felt an arm wrapped around her waist. The _woman_ was holding her, rather intimately.

"You're touching me," she said blandly, "Why?" It was more of a statement rather than a question, bringing us back to that lovely rhetoric we just can't get enough of.

"...?" Sesshoumaru was rather certain that he had broken several important bones after that ridiculous landing but, as he tried to use whatever was on him to heave himself up, his eyes snapped open at the thing that was smothering him. _No time to ditch her,_ he thought, _and I can always use her as a shield. Better take her along._ He looked up to the hordes that were now trying to sacrifice Jaken in the name of fandom. It was as good an opportunity to duck out as any.

To this day, it is still a mystery just where the maidens acquired the torches and pitchforks.

"Get up, girl. We are leaving," he said in that ever-so-sexy voice that simply reeks of masculinity.

Rin stared at him/her wide-eyed. _She _was a _he_. And _they_ were both tangled up in some kind of fluffy structure. Was it a tail? Was it for decoration? Did it have battery-operated heating? She had no time to think of answers as she was hoisted up over Sesshoumaru's shoulder in a lovely display of caveman-meets-cavewoman manner.

"Put me down, you brute!" she punched into his back. Much to her annoyance, her punches fell on his armor. _Stupid, overly-prepared bastard…_ she grumbled. Just then, Rin realized that something was missing.

"Hey! Hey you, Ms. Man. Yeah, you! Turn back, one of my sandals got left on the stairs!"

Sesshoumaru looked as bored as ever. _Typical, _he thought, _only a woman would want to turn back for a bloody sandal._ "No."

Rin was getting...discontent. "Fuck you too, buddy! That was a solid glass sandal and I need it back. Insurance isn't gonna cover that thing. Hey...what time is it, anyway?"

"It is 11:30, now be SILENT!" Sesshoumaru growled. He was getting ready to ditch this harpy or, better yet, offer her as another tribute to fandom.

_11:30, _Rin panicked, _I'm really cutting it close. I need to get home. Damn...and I didn't get any parting gifts, or get to meet the Princes._

"Hey you, put me down." Such eloquence.

"Woman, have you any idea who I am? No, for if you did, you would be aquiver with fear and not dare to address this Sesshoumaru as 'hey you.'" Sesshoumaru said as he walked deeper through the neighborng (and otherwise conveniently located) forest, intent on making it through to the other side without getting mauled by his adoring public. _Surely, should they dare follow, the forest won't let them out alive, _he was thinking.

"D-did you say, Sesshoumaru? _You're_ Sesshoumaru-sama!" _Damn. It had to be him kidnapping me, didn't it._

"Quite."

"Well...well you're not a gentleman!" Rin said, still hanging off his shoulder, more confused than ever, "You should have made yourself known instead of disguising yourself as a woman!"

Sesshoumaru eyes were getting redder and redder by the minute. He tightened his grip on the girl, getting a _YIP!_ from her. _Stupid bloody…_

"I am not in disguise. Where are your manners, girl?"

"I left 'em back there with my sandal." Rin replied curtly, an ache developing in her bum and back. "And my name is Rinderella, Sesshoumaru-sama, not 'girl.'"

Sesshoumaru scoffed. "Such an ugly name."

"Sesshoumaru isn't much better, Sesshoumaru-_sama._" Rin replied with sweet acidity. "If you please, put me down. I must get home as soon as possible." _Before I turn back into a bumpkin._

Sesshoumaru lowered her to her feet and took a moment to consider her. She was a pretty little thing and he supposed he would not be needing her as bait, after all. Still, he was somewhat sorry to lose such fiery company, though he'd rather shave his head than admit it.

"Do as you please," he said coldly and resumed his path.

_Alright! _Rin thought. A few seconds later, _Heeey...wait a minute._ _I know he is –not- just going to ditch me here with all this…creepiness..._ "Wait! You can't just leave me here!" She heard some convenient howling in the distance and quickly ran up to Sesshoumaru's back, clutching the fluffy thing with a death grip. Sesshoumaru realized that he was not going to escape this one easily. His eyebrow began to twitch.

He took a deep breath. "Rinderella-"

"Just Rin is fine," she chimed.

"Very well, Rin. I will escort you to your home. Resume walking."

_Hmmm…is there a downside to this?_ Rin didn't have much time to think as the Prince was already on his way. She had 10 minutes 'til the stroke of midnight, she was in the middle of a forest secluded from civilization and she was at the mercy of a Prince who had a stick up his royal a-

_Goddammit… _"Wait for me, Sesshoumaru-samaaaa!"

* * *

"Let go of me you barbarians! I was simply admiring it!" Naraku yelled as the guards tried to kindly 'escort' her off the premises.

The guards were now busy trying to round up the rest of the packs of ravenous women/stalkers/mob, we had effectively been beaten back into the ballroom. The Taisho was rubbing his temples as his wife was trying to talk Kagome into taking the arrows off Kikyo and 'no dear, I don't think she adds to the color of the room' and 'but dear, blood stains won't wash off the tapestry easily...'

Add to that all the damage that Jaken's staff had done and that Kagura woman's wind attacks...jeez Louise... Repairs were going to cost a fortune.

But, you know, just when you think that things can't get worse...

A guard approached the Taisho very timidly. Apparently, he had drawn the short straw and was thus 'volunteered' to give the Taisho the up-to-date report on the current situation.

"S-Sire.."

"Yes," the Taisho looked up tiredly, "What is the report?"

"S-Sire... the crowds have been contained."

"Yes, good. Next."

"There...T-there have been reports of a ghost sighting in some of the upper-level rooms. Something about mirrors, Sire, we are looking into it."

The Taisho sighed. "Very well, next."

"T-the Prince is g-gone, Sire."

"Yes, ne- WHAT! Gone? What the blazes do you mean 'gone'?"

"H-he's disappeared, Sire," the guard replied, hating life so much right now. "W-we are trying t-to trace his whereabouts as we s-speak, Sire."

The Taisho groaned. He almost didn't want to ask. "Is there anything else?"

The guard looked around to see where he could dart for cover. _Go to your happy place,_ he kept telling himself.

"Guard, is there anything else?"

He took a deep breath. "We h-have been able to recover a glass sandal from the scene Sire...It seems...we, we believe the Prince has taken a hostage."

* * *

A/N: This is fun to write. Oh, and Queenizzay...I think you're right...this may very well take place in Cambodia...lol. 


	4. Not Just Your Average One Night Stand

A/N: And now, my otaku audience, I give to you the riveting prelude to the conclusion of **Rin, For Short**. Although I was still a bit tired from Otakon when I started writing it. Allow yourselves to bask in all the unholy glory that has given you product placement, sexual innuendo and fandom. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Not Just Your Average One-Night Stand **

"Let me get this straight, he's _taken_ a hostage or he has _been taken_ hostage?" The Taisho asked as he popped his 6th Advil into his mouth and took another sip of vodka.

"Dear," the Lady Izayoi said with concern, "though you are a most powerful being I would still advise not mixing alcohol with medicine."

The Taisho patted his wife's hand and lovingly ignored her. All the painkillers in the world couldn't abate his pissiness at the moment. He waited for the guard to stop trembling before he continued the interrogation.

"A-Actually, Sire, we...we're not entirely sure. At the time the Royal Guards were trying to save the Royal Advisor Jaken from being martyred in the name of fandom. We believe that the Prince's disappearance occurred sometime during that onslaught. It is our opinion that it is the Prince himself that has taken a hostage for we know not of a creature that is strong enough to contain his Highness. However, his motive in kidnapping a maiden is...well...we're still working on it, Sire- my most abject apologies!"

Naturally, the guard omitted the part about the on-going bet concerning Sesshoumaru's sexual orientation. Consequently, the part about Prince Inuyasha actually initiating that bet was also omitted.

The Taisho propped his head on his hand and stared at the guard with a look that said 'you're fucking kidding me, right?' The Lady Izayoi slouched on her throne and popped an Advil. It had been a tiresome evening and disowning the kids was looking _really _good right about now. It was certainly more probable that Sesshoumaru himself had been the one to take a hostage however Lady Izayoi had learned long ago not to underestimate the unholy grandeur that surrounded fangirls. After all, her husband was a fine piece of work too, and goodness knows how many fangirls had been martyred in his name.

"Guard."

Y-yes milady?"

"Bring me that glass sandal; I'd like to examine it."

"Certainly milady."

"And while you're at it, get me a whisky. On the rocks."

* * *

Meanwhile...somewhere in a forest…

_AWOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ came a rather disgruntled and discontent howl from the background, effectively scaring the shizzit out of our dear Rin. (As fate would have it, it was only Inuyasha's cries of dire agony, begging his kin to aid him in his struggle against evil incarnate...and reincarnate... However, our main characters don't need to know that).

"HOLY MOLY!" Rin yelled as she attached herself to whatever part of the Prince was available. _Ooooh,_ she couldn't help but think, _soft…_ And for those of us who have already wandered into the far-off land of Perversia, no, she did not grab his ass.

I'll get to that later.

Meanwhile, the Prince was _not_ liking this touchy-feely woman being all...up in his business. As it was, he was lost and getting very annoyed. True to his manly nature it is doubtful whether or not he would have pulled over for directions were he given the option but this seemingly endless forest was really starting to grate on his precious nerves. Nevermind the fact that the girl was getting very jumpy and jittery. _Why the Hell is she in such a rush to go home? _Sesshoumaru thought, _The Young and the Restless ended hours ago…hmm…maybe she taped it…_ Then another thought struck him. Was it possible? Could it be?

"Is this Sesshoumaru really such bad company?" The slight change of tone in his voice gave Sesshoumaru's uncertainty away. _Feh. That was not intended to be spoken out loud._

"Eh? What's that?" Rin had been spacing out, trying to enjoy her last precious seconds of looking good for, any moment now, she knew she was going to turn back into that beige and orange spiffy young girl she had been for a decade. _Damn…and I was kinda starting to like the guy, too…In a 'you're a beautiful brick wall' kinda way, of course. _"No no, not at all," she sighed, "You're actually quite...calming to be around."

_Calming?_ Sesshoumaru thought. Now there was one he hadn't heard before. Of all the things that he had been called to date, _calming _was certainly not one of them.

"It's just...well, how do I begin? You see... it all started when I was around nine and my dad brought Naraku home. I couldn't tell whether I was getting a new stepmother or step_father_…"

That did it. Sesshoumaru's eyebrow began to twitch. He needed to find a way out of the damn foliage but none of the paths looked promising. For the first time in his life, the great Prince Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands began to consider begging for mercy as an option.

Just as Rin was about to continue with her story, she noticed the pained, no, _tortured_ look in her guide's eyes and the fact that they had been standing doing nothing for the past five minutes.

"Um...Sesshoumaru-sama?"

He was almost afraid to ask. "What is it?"

"Are we lost? I mean, we're just kinda...standing here...You're lost, aren't you?"

"Silence," Sesshoumaru ordered. The brat had some nerve. "This Sesshoumaru does not get lost. I am...trying to determine the route that will best suit our needs."

"Uh-huh." Rin said blandly. "Can't you just...I dunno, use your superpowers...fly around and find a way out or something?"

Sesshoumaru stared, almost stunned. "_Fly around_? Does this Sesshoumaru look like a bird to you?"

_I'm not…really sure,_ Rin thought. Then she suddenly had one of those 'I can't believe it's not butter!' moments, put two fingers in her mouth and gave a ridiculously loud whistle.

"What are you doing?"

"Hehehe...I'm calling for backup. I completely forgot that I have adequate transportation!" She said merrily. Sesshoumaru wanted to smack something. Where the Hell was Jaken? Oh yeah.. He was playing sacrificial lamb tonight.

Suddenly, Sesshoumaru felt a strong grip on his wrist as Rin nearly doubled over in nausea. His reflexes acted before he had time to think as he steadied the girl as best he could.

"What is wrong?" _Why this Sesshoumaru? Why this Sesshoumaru!..._

"Uuuuuuuhhhhh…..Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaa…..I feel…like shiiiiiiit….." No sense in hiding the obvious was Rin's line of thinking as the color of her kimono slowly lightened to patches of beige and orange, her hair loosened and fell around all over her head, and make-up became a thing of the past. In a panic Rin took off her remaining sandal. Perhaps she could salvage the item. Just as the dizziness began to subside Sesshoumaru felt a presence approaching and prepared to make mince meat out of it. Not that he felt the need to impress the girl, who seemed ready to set her dinner free in the nearest bush at any moment, but in a strange way he felt like cheering her up. _Disgusting,_ he cursed at himself, _Sesshoumaru, you disgust this Sesshoumaru. _

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…" Rin was going through her mantra, determined to keep everything in her stomach. "Think of happy things...like Naraku and Kagura burning in eternal Hellfire...aaah yes...Kanna can just...linger...breathe in, breathe out..." She barely had time to notice that the Prince had gotten into attack position and was about to pulverize her D.D. for the evening. As Ah-Un descended from the sky, and Sesshoumaru went into bad-ass mode, Rin snapped back into reality and hastily scrambled to her feet, flinging herself(!)...at his back...hanging on for dear life, the Prince fell with his back on top of the girl, as Rin's chokehold proved more than worth his while. Of course...Rin may have copped a feel or two (or five) at any given moment but that's just between her and Sesshoumaru's hiney.

Can you _feel_ the drama, folks?

"Aaaaah you're squashing me, get off!"

"Yurchhkkkinggggme!"

"Ok I'm letting go but DON"T KILL AH-UN! That's my ride, dammit."

Ah-Un watched patiently as the attractive white-haired and rather masculine-looking woman dusted herself off, all the while giving Rin the death glare. Gosh that woman looked familiar. Oh...wait a minute...damn. Ah looked at Un. Un looked at Ah.

_Are you thinking what I'm thinking?_

_Rin is a lesbian?_

_No. Iimbecile. I mean about keeping up this domesticated pet business. We should just leave their asses here._

_What an awful thing to say! I'd never do that to Rin. I like her. Besides, we haven't had a gig like this for years... Always sitting around just eating, being lazy... Do you realize just how much weight we've put on! And you know how bored I get-_

_Alright, alright, enough already. Stop whining, you're giving me a headache. So we're in this thing 'til the end?_

_Yup! So...that 'woman' over there is Sesshoumaru, isn't it? _

_No doubt about it._

_Sooo…how long do you think it'll be 'til he recognizes us?_

The heads blinked at each other for a few seconds.

_Don't make me death-ray your ass...How many two-headed dragon-youkai do you think they keep in the stables! _

And right on cue...

"What the Hell are you doing with my youkai?" Sesshoumaru asked Rin, whom he was still holding onto, just in case she got dizzy again of course. "And while you are at it, do explain just why you are dressed in those dirty garments, who you really are and any other tidbit you believe may make you worthy of this Sesshoumaru's time."

"Wait wait wait. Back up a minute. _Your _youkai? You mean Ah-Un? You must have the wrong youkai Sesshoumaru-sama because he's/they're my transportation for the evening, given to me _personally_ by my Fairy-God Imp."

Sesshoumaru was getting...peeved... "Your _what?"_ He closed his eyes and asked patiently. When he got no answer he opened one eye and saw Rin next to Ah-Un as the youkai lifted up one of his front legs. Sure enough, underneath was all that remained of a Jaken-pancake.

"Oh my." Rin said as she tried to peel him out from under Ah-Un. Sesshoumaru looked irritably from Ah to Un, from Un to Ah. The heads blinked back nervously but the message that the looks sent was loud and clear: _It was all Jaken's idea!_

_

* * *

_

Approximately 45 minutes later...

"I TOLD YOU WE HAD TO TAKE A RIGHT!"

"SILENCE! As long as this Sesshoumaru steers, this Sesshoumaru is IN CONTROL!"

Rin was sitting behind Sesshoumaru, holding onto him and trying desperately not to look down. She had realized, upon 45 seconds into their travel, that she really didn't like flying and if they didn't land soon...well...let's just say that it would be murder on the upholstery. The waves of nausea had hit her again as she had been kindly, and loudly, explaining to the Prince just why she looked the way that she did and no, she wasn't one of his hormonal followers and no, she really had no intention of stalking him after tonight and yes, she would take his advice on shampooing and conditioning regularly.

As Rin's stomach flips settled down a bit, she managed to open her eyes slowly and finally, finally she saw her neighborhood in the distance. Nope, there really was no mistaking those dojo/houses. Getting closer, she realized that the lights were out and since nobody in that place ever slept that early, Rin concluded that they were probably still busy trying to bail Naraku out. With any luck she'd get 10 to 20, kukukuku...

"Over there," she pointed so that the Prince could see. "That's my place." Rin suddenly felt a little sad. Despite everything, it had been the most exciting evening she'd had since Naraku had taken them on a 'family barbeque' when she was 11...Little had the girls known back then that the only thing Naraku was planning on barbequing was them. Thank goodness for barbed wire and safety matches...

Sesshoumaru said nothing as he motioned for Ah-Un to descend. For all his genius he couldn't understanding just why he was feeling bothered by the fact that he and this human wench were about to part. It wasn't so much that he felt pity for the girl, because after hearing her story and the way she reacted to things he felt a lot sorrier for the other members of that _sketchy_ household. She was just so...damn pleasant to be around. Sesshoumaru found himself getting all flustered and struck by feelings of complete and utter _manliness_, urging him to...protect this girl...and other such _fluffy_ nonsense.

_Feh,_ he scoffed in his mind, _I'm getting soft. Next I'll taken on a nickname like Fluffy or something equally as ridiculous…_

Hmmm...

"We'd better stop here," Rin said as she hopped off Ah-Un and looked around shyly. She placed the Jaken-pancake somewhere secure on Ah-Un and patted the beast goodbye. "I'd invite you inside but I'm sure that the barrier isn't going to let anyone through anyway. I'm just going to sit outside till it wears off...shouldn't be long now."

Sesshoumaru looked at the girl and almost had a psychotic episode. He was torn between staying with her in the name of chivalry and leaving her to her fate so that he didn't risk getting anymore attached to her. _Decisions, decisions, curse these bloody decisions._

On the verge of a sigh, Sesshoumaru decided that there was only one thing to do... It wasn't the best thing but goddammit he was running low on ideas and he had to do something so as not to look like a complete ass.

"Here," he said as he took the Tenseiga off his sexy person and placed it in Rin's hands. She blinked innocently several times, wondering who the Hell in their right mind would actually _hand over_ to her a large and pointy weapon of potential mass destruction. Now she knew why she was falling for this guy.

"What's this for?"

"This is Tenseiga. It is a sword that...protects. It should keep you out of trouble. Make sure it is safe until I come back to reclaim it."

_Woohoo!_ Rin thought, _So this is his subtle way of saying we'll be seeing each other again. Go Rin, go Rin, woot woot... _"I see. Thank you very much, Sesshoumaru-sama."

Sesshoumaru nodded slightly, turned around, got on Ah-Un and prepared for liftoff.

"Rin."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Don't get any ideas; that sword is merely for protection. It can't kill."

"Damn," Rin spat as Sesshoumaru flew off, "he knows me so well, already." She found a comfortable spot right at the edge of the barrier and settled down, waiting, waiting...and waiting. Gosh this was boring beyond sanity. Her thoughts led here and there, to the ball and the fact that she'd never actually made it inside, to her unbelievable luck at having a Fairy God-Imp and finally to Sesshoumaru... His eyes, his hair, his...

"...zero sense of direction..." Sigh... "what a man..."

* * *

3 hours and about 20 wrong turns later Sesshoumaru made it back to the front gate, his eyes red and on the verge of homicide. _Curse this bird's eye-view, curse her house for being in the middle of bloody nowhere and curse Mapquest for making everything ass-backwards!_

As he sent Ah-Un off to the stables he noticed that Inuyasha was waiting for him at the gate with a band of rather grizzly looking guards. His brother looked battered and bruised as if he had just come from battle but that stupid smirk on his face was giving Sesshoumaru another migraine. One word from the little punk and Sesshoumaru's fist was going to put a permanent end to his face.

"You are in my way, _little brother."_

"Oooh, someone's in a bad mood. Where've _you _been all night? What'd ya do, get lost again?"

Sesshoumaru's transformation was about to begin when Inuyasha motioned for him to calm down just long enough so that he could deliver his message.

"Look, dad wants me to tell ya that he doesn't know where you were and he doesn't care- he hopes that you haven't taken a hostage and if you did, then he says he's gonna disown your ass faster than you can say- "

"Get on with it Inuyasha."

"Fine, bottom line is the old man says he doesn't want you back until you've got a girl with you- and you'd better be engaged to get married- until then, he says you're on your own. He was really pissed off when they told him how much he had to pay ta get all the shit repaired- damage caused by _your _fangirls, by the way. Dad said that after an episode like that you're a hazard to the well-being of the palace, blah blah blah and you need security- the kind only a woman can give. Like mom. Ya get my drift? "

Sesshoumaru tried to fight back the urge to throttle his little brother, but the little prick was making it _very _difficult. "Is that all?"

"Lemme see...oh yeah, he also orders you ta take Jaken with you. Somethin' about him bein' on the fire department's hit list. And this." Inuyasha handed Sesshoumaru the glass sandal in all it's bling-bling glory. "Pops says that if tha girl's good enough for you ta take hostage, she's good enough for you ta marry."

"This Sesshoumaru will not be forced into marriage."

"Yeah...the old man said ya might say somethin' like that so he also told me to tell ya that you've got 48 hours. If you don't bring back a fiancé in 48 hours he says he's gonna pass the kingdom on to me instead'a you. Then he's gonna sacrifice ya to your adoring public."

That got Sesshoumaru's attention. He couldn't believe this. Had he actually been _kicked out?_ Was he actually being blackmailed and threatened into marriage? Were these people on illegal addictive stimulants or something? Nevermind. He was tired, grouchy, had no place to spend the night, 48 hours to find a bride, a glass sandal to return and no clue as to how to get back to Rin's place.

_Rin. ...Yes, Rin...hmmm... interesting...she is beautiful, psychotic, intelligent, lethal with or without sharp objects...what are the downsides? She is human...just barely... but this Sesshoumaru can always fix that..._

Sesshoumaru smirked, which was just about enough to make every guard within a 10 foot radius cringe and Inuyasha twitch. This was not the reaction that he had been hoping for. In fact, one of his many bets depended on Sesshoumaru going berserk and mutilating things.

"Hey asshole, you do realize that pops wants ya to marry a _girl_, right?"

Sesshoumaru walked off to the stables to retrieve Ah-Un. He had to admit, re-arranging Inuyasha's face was just something he never tired of. The smirk never leaving his face, he called out to Inuyasha who lay disfigured in a large crater.

"Tell Father that this Sesshoumaru will not be toyed with. I shall return in 48 hours _with_ my fiancé. And be sure to mention that I pawned off that useless Tenseiga. My regards."

As Ah-Un breezed through the evening sky and Sesshoumaru tried not to shred the impossible fold-it-this-way-and-that map to tiny pieces, a small roar in the background, due West, made the Prince's life just a little bit brighter.

"HE DID WHAAAAAT!"

* * *

A/N: The next chapter shall be the last. Thank you for sticking with the story! 


	5. Finale

A/N: I apologize this took so long but I was busy graduating college. As you may imagine, I was rather…psychotic and detained with final paperwork. Never mind the fact that life likes to throw out little nasties like resumes and jobs. I shall soon turn my attention to concluding TWTCHF and other such business. As for now, thank you for sticking with this story that I had such fun writing. Hopefully it's been a trippy road to travel. Again, reviews are love, people. Now allow me to present the riveting conclusion of **Rinderella **(oooooh).

* * *

**Finale:** **Feeling the Love In Ever After**

"Mmm…five more minutes mom…"

"Get UP you fool!" Kagura's shrieking was not the sort of wake-up call that Rin had been anticipating. Consequently, neither was the fact that she was _still_ outside, her back and her bum in dire agony from having slept on the hard dirt.

"Gah! Mmm…?" Still groggy from dreams of weird green fairies and fangirls burning things at the stake, Rin got up close to Kagura's face and peered into her beady red eyes. Kagura looked tired and…mal-content.

"You're not Jaken…" she mumbled, still off in another realm. If the author didn't know better she'd say that Rin were high… But, indeed, we all know better, do we not?

"No, I certainly am not, now GET UP I SAID!" Kagura yanked Rin up from her arm, noticing something attached to the sleep-frazzled girl. "What on earth are you clutching?"

Rin looked into her clenched fists and realized that she was still holding the Tenseiga. Suddenly, recollection of the entire night and its rather sketchy events flooded to her mind like shizzit hitting the fan and Rin's eyes bugged out like…well kinda like Jaken's actually. I'm tryin' ta paint a picture here folks, so work with me here.

"Never mind, where the Hell's your mother? She in jail yet, or what? And where's the ghost? And what the Hell happened to you! You look like you got mauled by fangirls with flamethrowers. Hehehe." Kagura's growing discomfort was doing wonders to Rin's disposition. Life was looking good, for once in a damn decade. And who here reading this can't relate...

"Not that it's any of your business you filthy little worm but indeed, our illustrious mother is…indisposed… at the moment. I came back to retrieve some money for her bail." Kagura looked around warily, "Kanna is missing…good riddance."

Not that Rin had been very attached to Kanna in the first place but she felt a slight prick of anger at Kagura's utter indifference to the girl. "That's some sisterly love you've got there. Anyway, if I were you, I'd leave Naraku where she is. No less than what she deserves. I don't know what her problem is. The mere sight of that damn Shikon no Tama makes her even more psychotic than she usually is. She gets all weird and…spidery…which isn't a word but you know what I mean. You've –seen- what I've seen. And lemme tell ya, there ain't no one normal who can spawn insects like that. And speaking of spawning-"

"Quit talking about my mother you baboon!" Kagura yelled, and cringed, as memories of her 'birth' flooded back. Let me implant in your minds, my illustrious audience, the disturbing thought that is the aforementioned. Remembering one's own birth is just plain wrong; I don't care what culture you're from. The evening spent battling fangirls also crept back into Kagura's mind. She had just returned from the battlefront and was in no mood for Rin's lip. "As mother is unable to be here at the moment, I am head of the household. You will do as I say."

"Like Hell you are!" Rin knew where this was going and as things were going to get ugly she would just have to make use of Sesshoumaru's sword and…heal Kagura to death…or something like that. "It's _my _house...or was my dad's…but never mind the technicalities. It's not yours and I'd just like to see you boss me around without your backup!"

"Silence! Rinderella, you shall relinquish any money you may have to me so that I may bail mother out."

"WHA-WHA-WHAAT? You want money from me! Woman have you tossed your feathers?" Sorry. I had to interject a feather pun. It was –necessary-.

"Rinderella," Kagura said as she pulled out her fan from goodness knows where, "Don't make me hurt you."

"Well…well don't make me stab you!" But Rin knew that if Kagura started throwing her attacks around, she'd be almost defenseless.

So, she did the only thing she could do: she took a deep breath and

WHAM!

Drove a solid right hook into Kagura's face and began to bust a groove (that means run, for those of us who are a few slices short of a loaf;)

Notice a pattern in the author's problem-solving techniques.

Kagura was ready for her. Well, after she regained her composure, that is. An unholy battle ensued for a further 45 minutes in which Kagura used the wind to cut and maim Rin, while Rin proceeded to heal herself after every wound. We're talkin' about lightsabers and shit, people. But though Rin had been able to get a few good hits here and there…

"There, right were you should be, you little ingrate."

As Rin hung from a tree branch, tied with a lengthy rope and dangling upside-down helplessly, she could feel the blood rushing to her head. She felt _fuzzy._ She felt _angry_. She felt like her boobs were going to fall out of her kimono. But look at all the pretty colors…

"YOU MOTHERFU- "

"Now now Rinderella. The time for pleasantries is at an end. I shall return shortly, with mother at my side and I doubt you will find her in a good mood. If you haven't been eaten by wolves by then, do take care to behave yourself in her presence, yes? Ta-ta!"

Kagura disappeared with a _WOOOSH._ This was, amongst many other things, not a happy time. "S-she said it. She used…the 'W' word...W-wolves?...Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! Help, goddammit!"

Just then, Rin shut her yap as a rustling came from within the conveniently located trees.

'This is it, my girl,' she thought. 'I've been beaten in battle, robbed of my money by my evil stepsister and strung up like meat. How embarrassing…'

"HEEEEEEEELLL- "

"SILENCE." came the lovely bass-tone from a very-annoyed figure.

'Why is everyone telling me to shut up?' Rin thought. 'Great. I'm gonna be a late-night snack for a talking wolf.'

"Rin. Why are you hanging upside down from a tree?" _And here this Sesshoumaru thought life could not get stranger. This girl was meant for this Sesshoumaru. Why oh why…_

"Se-Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Sire, I told you that the girl was a lunatic! She probably did that to herself. And earlier I received word that her stepmother was put into county lock-up-"

"Jaken."

"And also my lord, her step-sister the Lady Kagura was one of the primary factors that contributed to the spread of the fire in the palace-"

"Jaken."

"And also milord-"

"Shut up you sorry excuse for a fairy-god Imp! Whose side are you on anyway! Woah that made me dizzy…"

Sesshoumaru looked up at the girl whose eyes had turned to swirls, like so: . She was quite adorable when she was having an episode.

"Well said, Rin."

"Uuuugh…getting sick now…" she groaned.

Sesshoumaru jumped up and took a neat slice out of the rope. Before Rin had a chance to scream she was like a little worm in the Prince's arms, floating back down to mother Earth. This was all done in approximately 3.2 seconds for those technical fans out there. Ah, amore…

Uuughh…I'm gonna puke, Rin thought.

"Rin. Do not dare relieve yourself on this Sesshoumaru." I just had this dry-cleaned, he added in his mind.

"I..I wouldn't dream of it Sesshoumaru-sama. Wait- why are you here! You have to help me! I have to stop Kagura from putting up my evil stepmother's bail! I've gotta hire a lawyer…I've gotta...I've gotta…"

And Rin's stomach began doing those wonderful flips and swirls..

"Rinderella, I realize this may come as a shock but this Sesshoumaru requests your cooperation in a vital matter. After considering our respective situations heavily I have come to the conclusion that there is no other alternative for you and I. This Sesshoumaru has come to ask for your hand in marriage. Will you do me the honor of accepting?"

"MILORD WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! I BEG YOU TO RECON-"

"Shut up Jaken or you will be Ah-Uhn's next meal."

Somewhere in the background... 'Say wha? Umm, excuse us, no. We wouldn't touch that. Yeah, thanks.'

Rin's stomach heaved, hoed and did other things that verbs shouldn't be maladjusted into doing. He had proposed to her. They had only met tonight. But who the Hell cared. He was right- this would solve all problems. Never mind the fact she was already ga-ga for the man. And, after all, this _is _supposed to be a fairytale, right? Oooh all the fuzzy feelings of lovey-dovey cuteness crap flooded into her brain and consequently rushed to her stomache. There the 'oooh' became the 'eeeewww.' Sesshoumaru's eyes got slightly larger as he started cringing and moving backwards.

"No. Rin, control yourself. This Sesshoumaru orders- "

…_..BLEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…… _

For those of us who have yet to realize that the author is sound-effect-challenged, that was the sound of Rin 'relieving herself' onto the Prince.

Well…this is awkward. Rin felt better, Jaken fainted (or keeled over from the smell- whatever works for you) and Sesshoumaru… Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched a little, his forehead perspired a little, his life-span shortened a little but his hatred of life was renewed. Over and over again.

"You win, Rinderella," were the last words Sesshoumaru softly spoke before he admitted to himself that this tiny specimen of a girl had broken him in one night.

"Uuuugh…" Rin tried to apologize but, in her mind she could only think, Of course I win...hihihi…Rin-chan kicks ass. Oh how I love the look of a broken spirit.

"This Sesshoumaru will take that as a 'yes.'"

* * *

**Meanwhile, somewhere in prison…**

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS KAGURA!" Naraku had a vein the size of Nevada on her forehead as she watched her daughter be hauled, kicking and screaming, into her cell.

Kagura looked like she had seen better days...and better cells…but anyway…

"Before I kill you, tell me why you are staring at me in my, yes MY, prison cell, instead of bailing me out."

Kagura sat down in a dark corner and pouted. "I don't know what happened mother…One minute I was coming to bail you out, the next I saw them transporting the Shikon no Tama back into the safe and I… I just snapped! I HAD to have it…for no damn reason. –YOU- DID THIS TO ME!"

"Get a hold of yourself you irresponsible little worm! Damn your foolishness."

"_You're_ damning _me _for the same stunt you pulled to get yourself in here in the first place!"

"Silence. Where is Rinderella? Young man! GUARD! I demand my phone call!"

The guard on duty was just about done with the whining that he had been putting up with from this woman. Muttering curses under his breath, he opened the cell and was about to escort Naraku to the phone.

"Mom," Kagura interjected, "I wouldn't waste the call on Rinderella if I were you. She's… I fed her to the wolves."

……..

Silence…. A faint chirping in the background, reminiscent of another place in another time… Curious…

"WHY YOU- AAAAAAH!" Naraku flung herself, robes and kimono and all onto Kagura (think whooping crane meets …I dunno…something mean and ready to bitch-slap Kagura…think of yourself if it pleases you).

"KYAAAAA GET OFF ME YOU WITCH!" Kagura yelled as she got the begeezus smacked outta her. The guard called for backup immediately and they busted into the cell making futile attempts to pry the psychotic women apart. No one noticed the cell's door slowly closing and being locked shut, or the quiet little figure in white who had had just about enough of everything. Amidst the hullabaloo, people began falling all over each other and one, just one unlucky guard landed on the floor with his hand over something…strange and hard… And as the guard looked at his hand perched unhappily upon Naraku's crotch, his mind casually reminded him that women just don't have rather large lumps between their legs.

If there's any justice in the world, he thought to himself, this'll be a _really_ large and misplaced hemorrhoid.

As it turns out, there really is no justice in this world after all.

* * *

After Rin had settled the still unconscious Jaken and herself on top of Ah-Uhn, the party was successfully on their way back to the Palace. Rin and Sesshoumaru had had a little exchange; a glass sandal in return for the Tenseiga seemed a more than worthy trade. But no matter how much Sesshoumaru cursed and swung it around, the sword adamantly refused to 'heal' the vomit off of his armor and silk attire. 

During their travel, to be fair, or after several minutes of grueling interrogation, Sesshoumaru revealed to Rin the reasons behind his speedy proposal. The questioning had went something like this:

"So it's not like we've known each other for years and you haven't told me you love me… Why _did_ you propose to me?"

"…."

"You know, a healthy relationship demands communication."

"…."

"We're going to need to work on that I see."

"It was meant to be."

"Oh…really. Is that so… Now tell me the real reason."

"…."

"That's how we're going to play it, eh?... Are we there yet?"

"…"

"Are we there yet?"

"…."

"Are we there yet?"

"…." _TWITCH_

"Are we there yet?"

"…." _VEIN_

"Are we- "

"ENOUGH. Do you mean to drive this Sesshoumaru to self-mutilation you merciless woman!"

"Oh Sesshoumaru-sama… You're right…we're perfect for each other. Now talk to me please."

So Sesshoumaru had explained the situation as delicately as his rigid dignity would allow and after a couple hundred poxes on all of his relations and a few agonizing tearful cries, Rin was still very happy with the end result of their upcoming marriage and prepared to fight for her man. Love would come along. After all, she had the rest of her life to terrorize the man and that's just the kind of thought that can bring hope, warmth and fuzziness to a girl's heart.

I just gave myself chills.

* * *

"99,999… 10,000. There old man, now quit harassing the crippled." 

Inuyasha, still heavily bruised from Kagome's domestic abuse, felt a pang of sadness sweep over him as he relinquished the money to his father and admitted defeat. This was the first bet he had lost to the Inu no Taisho in over 25 years. He was sure, _he had been sure_, dammit, that his brother was….of the homosexual orientation. In fact, "I'm not gay but my older brother is" T-shirts had been seen floating around the castle, of mysterious make but undoubted considerable profit. But as sure as shiznit there Sesshoumaru stood with his new fiancé at his side. Needless to say, the family interrogation would soon begin. It's not everyday the human-hating crown dog-demon prince shows up covered in human vomit, with a human fiancé, who's a _girl _no less.

"Hey…" Rin said curiously/threateningly, "did you two have a bet at my fiancé's expense?"

The Inu no Taisho and Inuyasha looked at each other and stuttered incoherently.

"I can't hear you!"

"Oh I like her," Kagome said to the Lady Izayoi as she nudged her mother-in-law in the arm.

"Indeed. Kagome why don't you show her around the palace for a bit."

"Hey Rin, were ya ever a man at any point in your life?" Inuyasha couldn't help but ask. And as he was plunged into the marble floor the Lady Izayoi kindly requested that he join Kagome and Rin on their mini tour. As they passed through the corridor the Lady Izayoi sighed hearing Kagome say, "…and this is the centerpiece of the collection. I call it the _Curse of the Undead Miko_…"

"But, Kagome, she looks alive from here. I think she's tying to say something…"

"Nonsense, Rin…-nervous chuckle- moving along…"

Back in the throne-room, the three remaining members of the family sat/stood in tense silence. Jaken had already been escorted away by Ah-Uhn, who were happy to have made it back home without getting lost. Again.

"Sesshoumaru, marriage is a very serious commitment," began the Lady Izayoi, taking rather long sips of her Scotch.

"Oh come now sweetheart, lets not ruin the mood! Doesn't Sesshoumaru look happy!" Obviously the Taisho was still very much caught up in his victory and the fact that he wouldn't have to explain a new son-in-law, for Sesshoumaru looked….exactly the bloody same as he always does…

"_Honey..._Perhaps you should make sure your son is ready to enter into a _happy _and _equal_ marriage such as our own," she grated into her husband.

The Taisho took a long sip of his own Scotch and looked his son dead in the eyes. What the Hell do I say so she doesn't send me to the doghouse, he thought.

"Son… I realize I may have been a bit…harsh. You don't have to get married if you do not wish to. Although, any girl who can retain your attention for this long, or keep you hostage for that matter, may be well worth your affections indeed. However, I am willing to retract my.. arrangement with Inuyasha if you are the slightest bit unsure."

Sesshoumaru didn't know what to say. He took a minute to think, then… "Will you turn the kingdom over to Inuyasha if I don't get married?"

"No. The kingdom is still yours, as tradition promises."

"In that case… I still wish to get married. Rinderella is…" He wanted to say 'hostile and more than ready and willing to make this Sesshoumaru's life a living Hell if I don't marry her' but he settled for "…perfect."

The Lady and Taisho both gasped then the Lady turned to her husband.

"I win, hand it over."

"Very well, don't push me. I didn't even get to enjoy my winnings."

"Honestly I know your son better than you do. Didn't I tell you he couldn't be guilt-tripped out of his decision?"

"Yes yes, no need to rub it in. I thought he'd cave in. He's been getting soft."

"Yes but Im telling you it's a phase."

"……..I'm still in the room….." Sesshoumaru said.

Kagome, Rin and an even more crippled Inuyasha walked/crawled back into the room. Kagome looked as chipper as ever, Inuyasha was questioning whether or not he was still a man after what Kagome had done to him and Rin looked rather pale and teary-eyed.

"Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked with an elegantly raised eyebrow as he walked up to his fiancé.

"They…I… you're not _really _gay, are you?"

So began the interrogation. Sesshoumaru's eyes became angry little slits.

"Son, I did mean to ask you, why on earth are you covered in vomit?"

The slits began to redden.

"Sesshoumaru dear, just a thought but… I always assumed you hated humans…"

Fangs began to show as a snarl emerged.

"Keh. Sesshoumaru you suck."

That did it. Kagome sighed and went to get some aspirin from her bag, Sesshoumaru went into his dog form and battled Inuyasha in the courtyard and the Taisho tried to swindle some of his ex-winnings from his wife.

"5,000 says Sesshoumaru wipes the floor with Inuyasha!"

"Deal! But I assure you that my son, crippled as he is, will not yield."

"We shall see my dear."

It was a matter of saving face at this point. As Rin tried to comprehend her soon-to-be in-laws, she felt a slight chill behind her.

"Kanna! Where the Hell did you come from? Never mind...forget I asked that."

"…Mother and Kagura are in prison."

"WAH! Ya don't say! How'd Naraku Jr. end up in there?" I did't think this day could get any better, Rin thought, feeling something akin to pure contentment. It's that feeling of 'oooh, I just peed on myself and I don't give a damn.' Yeah. She was feeling _that _good.

"She tried to steal the Shikon jewel and was arrested. I… could not afford the bail. They have a court date pending. The presiding judge is Sir Ko….Sir Kouga. He insisted on having the case."

Rin thought for a minute. "Kouga…Kouga…why does that name seem familiar? Wait…isn't he the guy that Kagura OH MY GOD. Hahahaha… I don't think we'll be seeing them for a while. Kouga and his thug lawyers might have a bone or two to pick with the old bats."

"Farewell."

"Wait- where the heck are you going?"

"To my room."

Kanna disappeared and Rin didn't even want to know. She'd be seeing Kanna around. Rin was genuinely happy. She looked at her fiancé in the courtyard. He looked so adorable in a murderous rage, dripping acid all over the beautiful flora and fauna. He was going to make a wonderful husband and pet pooch. Then came the screaming from the stables, which could only mean that Jaken had found out about the marriage. Ah those blissful screams and tears of agony. Music to my ears, she thought. Then there was the Lady Izayoi and the Taisho, now gambling furiously over a game of backgammon and drinking more Scotch, while Kagome finished polishing her bow, grabbed an arrow or two and curiously headed back to the room where the 'centerpiece of the collection' was hanging. An ominous scream of "hentai!" and a loud smack echoed through the halls, followed by pleas for mercy. She'd have to check that out later. In the courtyard Inuyasha was flung and slammed right onto a large crate, busting it open. Large quantities of T-shirts with 'My brother's the gay crown-prince and all I get is this lousy T-shirt' printed on them fell to the floor.

"You. I knew it."

Sesshoumaru was about to commit half-fraternicide and, I ask you, where are the parents? Life was good.

In one final moment of consideration, Rin found some writing utensils and began a letter, though she had a helluva time convincing the guard to deliver it to the prisoners. He was on his way there anyway so she didn't get what the big deal was. Strange.

That day, there was a delivery for Naraku and Kagura... Both parties knew that they hadn't seen the last of each other. Nevertheless, Rin had some words of wisdom for the duration of her evil step-family's incarceration:

"Thanks for nothing, you bastards. Yes, I survived. You seem to forget that evil doesn't die. I hear the judge was miraculously lenient so I'll be ready for ya when you get out. In the meantime I'm going to live happily ever after. With weapons.

It had taken Rin some time to find the most suitable words for this letter. However, after careful construction, it was complete, save that last bit of inspiration.

All the best!  
Rinderella  
That's soon-to-be-Queen Rinderella to you but, what the Hell, you can call me Queen Rin, for short.

P.S.- Don't drop the soap.

THE END

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for your support during the creation process. Take care and see you in the next story! 


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